RedLetterMedia Best of the Worst episodes

I really like Best of the Worst on RedLetterMedia’s YouTube channel. But I don’t always remember which segments are which. Here are some notes. Quotes are usually from the RLM crew, not directly from the movies. Typically I write comments from the RLM crew speaking as if though they are one of the participants in the videos in italics. Score is both a reflection of the roasting of the movies and the movies themselves. An episode with only three Neil Breen movies would get a 0 no matter how good the jokes might be.

Standing jokes:

  • 9/11
  • AIDS
  • Old people are frail and incontinent

Wheel of the Worst

Information videos, loose entertainment.

  • Wheel of the Worst #1 – 8/10
    • Candid Candid Camera Volume 6: “Whose idea was it to marry candid camera and softcore porn?”
    • Let’s Rap About Fire Safety: Meh
    • The Dance of Birth:
      The source of the wonderful phrase “oxygenating our wombspace” which appears in numerous later episodes of Best of the Worst. For people who are familiar with the concept of Minkovski-space the idea of wombspace is interesting.
      • “The Dance of Birth is a movie made by a brain-dead middle aged hippie.”
      • “It was shocking, it was hypnotic and I hated it.”
  • Wheel of the Worst #2 – 3/10
    • Key Matters: About kids getting a key to the house.
    • For Safety’s Sake: With Gary Coleman.
    • The Family Guide to the Internet: Presented by people who know nothing about the internet.
  • Wheel of the Worst #3 – 4/10
    • Tree Stand Safety: Disappoints everyone.
    • Where Did I Come From: Sex education cartoons are always super creepy.
    • Instant Adoring Boyfriend: r/boringdystopia
  • Wheel of the Worst #4 – 7/10
    • Kitten Commotion: “It looks like a snuff film for cats.”
    • Fall Donut Event Finishing Video: “It says ‘1994 Fall Donut Event Finishing with Bob Rosenberg’, which is possibly an entirely different type of video…”
    • Shoji Tabuchi: So… A japanese violinist has been performing country music in Branson, Missouri twice a day for 28 years? Sounds like an SCP…
  • Wheel of the Worst #5 – 9/10
    • Cleared for Takeoff: A guy records his family going on a trip with an airplane. Rich Evans performs one of his world class prank phone-calls.
    • Tales from Genesis Space: Sci-fi stories from a guy who made CGI way ahead of his time. Kind of interesting Beastie Boys tribute rap by aliens at the end.
      • “It’s all him. He writes the bad scripts and makes the bad films.”
      • “2001: a Fisher-Price odyssey.”
      • “We can’t tell if he smells, because it’s a video.”
    • SOS: Groovy music video from a Japanese Christian doomsday cult. No joke. That’s what it is.
  • Wheel of the Worst #6 – 2/10
    The Osteoporosis Dance is kind of funny but the other ones are painful.
  • Wheel of the Worst #7 – 9/10
    • Ice Dams: “The one thing I wanted out of that video was seeing just one icicle fall and hit some kid in the head!”
    • Kids and Airbags: “Puffy the Airbag Bear: ‘I will fuck up your face!’ “
    • How to Become a Teenage Ninja: Culturally sensitive and totally legit ninja training, for teenagers.
    • Dog Sitter: Yet another excellent Rich Evans prank call!
  • Wheel of the Worst #8 – 9/10
    • Let’s Sing and Dance: Includes Rich Evans story about going home to a guy sitting next to him at the baseball game and being shown his Wendy’s ad and Warhammer figurines.
    • Twentieth Anniversary – Geritol Follies: Elderly people entertaining other elderly people and being vaguely racist.
      • “I just pray it’s not very long.”
      • “Hosted by Mrs. Doubtfire.”
      • “It was two hours long.”
      • “I’m looking at you like a monster because you’re saying normal and decent things, which I don’t expect from you.”
    • Learn Gun Safety with Eddie Eagle: “Eddie Sex Predator and Gun Safety Eagle.”
  • Wheel of the Worst #9 – 7/10
    • America Online for Internet: Slightly outdated and in Cantonese I think… So not great. RLM adding a propaganda movie for the People’s Liberation Army to it was nice though.
    • Backyard Stunting – Hits and Misses: A vageuly homo-erotic stunt tutorial.
      • “For extra protection, use a ball gag.”
      • “Pants might get in the way of a good shot.”
      • “They should call it Backdoor Stunting !”
    • Rainbow’s Remedy with Rainbow the Clown:
      • “I think Eloise Cole is actually the name of an ancient Mesopotamian Death God, everyone around her just start dying.”
      • “That’s how the Grief Clown-venom gets into your veins.”
      • “She flunked out of clown college and had to become a grief therapist.”
  • Wheel of the Worst #10 – 7/10
    They can’t even spin the wheel before getting off some zingers:
    “September 2001? Everything about this tape is a disaster!”
    “Speaking of Bill Cosby, our next tape is How to seduce women who aren’t aware of what’s going on.”
    • Show off – How to Be Cool at Parties: “I think there was a class action law-suit from all the six-year olds who got beat up after trying these stunts…”
    • Motherlode: A guy fawns over Morel mushrooms. I hate mushrooms, and now I hate Morel mushrooms even more.
      • “I want Jimmy Fallon to be dead. That doesn’t make me a bad person!”
      • “Jimmy Fallon? The only thing he should host is a parasite.”
      • “I usually don’t advise this, but I think you should kill yourself. I’m writing you a prescription for a rope…“
    • Exploding Varmints: A nice guy who totally isn’t a serial killer shoots prairie dogs with a high-power rifle, causing them to explode.
  • Wheel of the Worst #11 – 6/10
    • How to Seduce Women Through Hypnosis: Hypnosis doesn’t work like that.
    • How to Get Revenge: Highly illegal things being recommended by more or less drunk actors.
    • UPC Codes: Christian message about how UPC codes are the mark of the beast. Apparently it’s only UPC codes, not bar codes in general. Failing to understand machine-readable data representations I can forgive fundamentalists for but failing to grasp the point of the book of revelation is kind of embarrassing.
  • Wheel of the Worst #12 – 5/10
    • my twinn: Making customized dolls for young girls.
    • Magic Tricks You Can Do: “It’s not a trick what is patently obvious, you dumb fuck!”
    • Learning the Alphabet with Ms. Udderly: A ventriloquist hates her own puppet.
  • Wheel of the Worst #13 – 8/10
    • Get Street Smart: A Kid’s Guide to Stranger Danger: Molestville feat. the Slow Burn molester.
    • Bus safety – an egg-celent idea: Directed by Wes Andersen.
    • Travelling with Ooga Booga: Blackface sci-fi.
    • Belgian candid camera where people don’t react to things.
  • Wheel of the Worst #14 – 2/10
    • Wormania
    • Australian author who erroneously believes anyone wants to know about her.
  • Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #15 – 9/10
    Millennials get helpful information boards about Mark David Chapman and clocks.
    • Golden Road – Today’s Senior Drivers: One or two jokes about the elderly.
    • Hangin’ with Leo: stalking in the guise of a documentary.
    • Telepathic Communication with Animals: crackpots helping crackpots, also an extradimensional dog
  • Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #16 – 9/10
    • Manners, Who Needs Them? : Ends with a rap that embarrassed a nation.
    • Top Slots – Spotting the Best: Coked out lunatic reads slot machine information.
    • Surviving Edged Weapons: Which gets the only standing ovation in BOTW history.
  • Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #17 – 10/10
    • Celebration of Age – The Croning Ceremony: old female hippies talk about how being an old hippie woman is great and should be celebrated with poetry and terrible amateur songs. The RedLetterMedia crew tear into them like a pack of hyenas who find an injured wilderbeast covered in barbeque sauce:
      • “If you are a crackpot in the South-West on a commune, you can pretend you are a person of value.”
      • “It’s just a bunch of women droning on and on and I was just waiting for a MAN to come in and focus them into some sort of conversation. But it never happens!”
      • “Scientology is actually better thought out.”
      • “Well, let’s talk about some of our narrators: Lady whose brain has been damaged by LSD.”
    • Hug a Tree – Surviving Canada: “give me fire-water if you want to hear the end of story.“
    • Mr. Wiggles – King Tut Style: “every day Mr. Wiggles struggles with super-Parkinsons.”
    • World Wide Web of Deceit: Christian propaganda video about the internet.
  • Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #18 – 8/10
    • Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults: “It’s aaalll totally legitimate, there’s nothing fraudulent in this video.”
    • Prevent Disaster at the Crossing: Information about not leaving a school bus full of kids on a railroad crossing. Seems legit.
    • Creating Rem Lazar: Kids movie with undertones of 9/11.
  • Best of the Worst Episode 78 ( not sure why it’s not called wheel of the worst) – 8/10
    • Experience the freedom of the naturist lifestyle:
      • “I don’t know, something’s wrong with their brains…”
      • “I think if I was interested in that and I watched this video, I would change my mind…”
    • Orgasmic Birth:
      • “We actually didn’t get to the part where they explain that. We didn’t watch the whole thing because we freaked out by watching tiny humans crawl out of women’s crotches!”
      • “There is something inappropriate though, with a woman giving birth on a blue ball…”
      • “She’s fakin’ it…”
      • “He looks like he’s been in a war. Like PTSD, staring into the distance.”
      • “Orgasming during birth is one thing. Hippie names? We’re done!”
    • Aggregate Training for the Training Impaired: “It’s for miners, not minors.”
    • Officer Hostage Rescue: “It was the same cop too! His squadcar got commandeered by a criminal like five times. Frankenstein, the Mummy, Dracula…”
  • Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #20 3/10
    • Energy & Me: Made by an educator whose crimes against music are unspeakable. “This man is despicable. He is a talentless hack!”
    • Christmas with Dennis: Polka on organ. His sister’s got it going on though. There’s probably a joke with “poke” and “organ” somewhere in there to be found.
    • The Thing About Money: “Lutherans don’t have any cash.”
    • Shape Up America: Elderly exercise video with parents of famous actors, parents who will do anything to make people pay attention to them.

Plinketto

  • Plinketto #1 – 5/10
    • Double Dragon: Weird video game franchise to make a video of.
    • Deathstalker: Uhm…
    • Doctor Butcher M.D: Rich wants that juicy Shaq-meat.
  • Plinketto #2 – 5/10
    • Mutant species: With Tashi Yar of Star Trek fame.
    • Skateboard kid: “It would be like, kinda like The Brady Bunch, just with more fucking.” Also some Dom DeLouise “Poke-me and the bandit” fan-fic.
    • Repo Jake
  • Plinketto #3 – 6/10
    • The Survivor: With Kyla the millennial girl texting all the time.
    • Keaton’s Cop: Old people starring in a movie.
    • Some space-thing of no note.
  • Plinketto #4 – 7/10
    • Turbulence 3 – Heavy Metal: With Slade Craven
    • Little Bigfoot: With logging politics
    • Feeders: Canadian shot-on-VHS debacle.
  • Plinketto #5 – 7/10
    • Nailgun Massacre: With the dirtiest house ever filmed.
    • Deathstalker II: Now with more consent.
    • Princess Warrior: With a lengthier wet t-shirt contest segment than most sci-fi fantasy movies.
  • Plinketto #6 – 8/10
    • Rocktober Blood: Fradulent re-release with extensive bathing scene.
    • The Pit: Psychological horror devolving into a Don Dohler movie.
    • Mankillers: David Prior’s feminist manifesto. The most impressive costume work I’ve seen in a long time.
  • Plinketto #7 – 9/10
    • Prototype X29A: With very little.
    • Quigley: Garey Busey as a dog.
    • Home Alone 4 – Taking Back the House: The annihilation of Marv’s groin.
  • Plinketto #8 – 8/10
    With Patton Oswalt who got his revenge on RLM by getting them to watch Jack-O at the next Halloween special.
    • Demon cop: Which isn’t about a cop or a demon. “I don’t know if we can properly explain in words how incomprehensible the first hour of this movie was.”
    • Alien Force: Burt Ward’s best role since Batman.
    • Game of Survival: With Lemro from Alien Private Eye!
  • Plinketto #9 – 6/10
    • Spacejacked: Roger Corman is a master of making competent movies on a shoestring budget.
    • The Dungeonmaster/Ragewar: Fantasy and Tron? Wack.
    • The Suckling: It starts with an abortion clinic that is also a brothel. The movie gets considerably more tasteless after that.
  • Plinketto #10 – 7/10
    • 100 Million BC: An asylum movie.
    • Stone Cold: World’s worst cop let’s everyone die. “It went over the top. Then it found a new top and went over that. “
    • Bog: “My crotch is kind of like a bog.”

Black spine series

Black spine is mostly informational tapes like Wheel of the Worst.

  • Best of the Worst: Black Spine Edition #3 – 7/10
    First occurrence of Black Spine Junka. Great discussion about a stripper tape:
    – That’s proof it was made by an alien. Hu-man hunks in California…
    – If California Big Hunks was made by aliens, what was their plot? What were the aliens trying to accomplish?
    – So they made the tape, then they distributed it and then they observed the hu-mans reaction watching the tape to see how close they got to the hu-man experience. “Oh, we got that wrong… Okey. … Their culture does not find dirty swamps romantic?! … Big star Michael Jackson, they didn’t like this one… But we put castle in tape?! Hu-mans used to live in castles..?” I think it gave them a lot of data to better their studies of hu-mans.
    • Chairobics: “It’s the sound of heaven getting closer.”
    • Riding Mower Safety Presented by Toro: “Look where you’re going and don’t run anyone over.”
    • California Big Hunks:
      • “Thematically it doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
      • “Rich, it’s getting weirder! “
      • “An educational video for aliens!”
      • “Why do you have to put time-travel into everything?!”
      • “At first you think, redneck stripper? But no. It’s so much worse.”
    • A Touch of Magic for Cats and Kittens
    • Yello Dyno’s Can’t Fool Me:
      • “An upbeat song about perverts?“
      • “What if he starts giving the kids bad information? ‘Sometimes you got to put out to a record producer! That’s how you make it in this business.’ “
    • Venison Processing the Easy Way
  • Best of the Worst: Black Spine Junka 2 – 10/10
    • Kelly Bear Teaches Respectfulness and Friendship Skills: Or as it is also known The Kelly Bear Kama-Sutra.
    • The Gospel According to St. Bernard: Has great advice for kids like “If divorce is the only answer, then we’d better find out what the question was and tell everyone to never-ever ask it.”
      • “Go back to Hebrew-school Sharon! We’re with Jesus.”
      • “Where are you going kids? Come back! Bring me some falafel! “
    • Fire Safety for the Older Adults: A progressive interracial threesome story.
    • If you love me, show me: Some abstinence nonsense.
  • Best of the Worst: Christmas 2020 – 4/10
    • It Ain’t Worth It: Abstinence “information” in pursuit of Jesus.
    • Second Chance vs Magnum Force: Roger Ebert in disguise shoots guns and talks about body armor.
    • Carving pumpkins with Mr. Falk who can’t carve pumpkins.
      • “So… Why did your wife leave you?”
      • “And… How did she die?”
    • Small Change: Creepy animation about counting money.
    • Develop Your Psychic Powers: Tim and Erik sketch.
    • 90 degrees in the pool: Exercise video for people in a pool. “Never send us workout tapes ever again!”
    • Alcohol-propaganda of unclear purpose. Maybe pro-alcohol?
    • Dream Bunny Promo: “Everything is wrong. Everything!”
  • Black Spine Raffle – 8/10
    • The Self-levitation Video: Not related to any Japanese doomsday cult guilty of mass murder, so that’s a nice surprise. “You stand on one foot! We get it!”
    • Freedom from Pain: Instructional video for bogus pain treatment device.
    • The ABC of Safety – part 1:
      • “I’ma drop ya’ off at 42nd and Broadway… Let the pimps have at ya’! “
      • “I hear seals respond positively to black-face.”
      • “Oh my God, all these kids are drunk!”
    • Armed Robbery – Is It Worth Your Life?
      • “Crack addicts? Am I right?”
      • “Robbing the gas station? Such a cliché!”
    • Meditation – The Art of Ecstasy:Now we get into the killer cults. Well, maybe it was just a mass poisoning event with a potentially deadly disease. But even without that tidbit it’s kind of shady.
      • “But with Osho, we’re all just fucking each other! All the time! Osho knows about fucking white women from California, who think they’re achieving something or other… They give him all their money, Osho knows it! He knows what’s up! Tell them to do water-color paintings, and then fuck them at night and tell them it’s meditation or some shit. Osho is the best at this. “
      • “This was picked as something we would watch because Rich hates new age shit. It would be funny to make him watch this.”
      • “When you arrive, they separate you: ‘White women from California’ or ‘Other’. “
    • Milton Berles Low Impact High Comedy Workout for Seniors
      • “I’d love to see an Orson Welles workout tape.”
      • “Weren’t you a lifeguard at a water-bed motel?”
      • “It may take me 15 minutes to lean down and get on my on knees, but it’ll take me two seconds to murder Milton Berle.”
  • Best of the Worst: Black Spine Junka 3 – 9/10
    • How to tie scarves: What the fuck? Or as Rich puts it: “What the fuck?”
    • Info-select: Fascinating advert for early data management software.
    • Power Pack: Lady Dipshit bullies kids. “Who does your hair, Helen Keller? “
    • Target panic: Archery video. Or maybe it’s about erectile dysfunction. “We’ve never seen a man with no soul.”
    • Street Smarts: So a 19th century strongman worked as a detective in Chicago and then made a video teaching kids about street smarts. Actually seems like he might have had a positive impact. Kudos to him, and his mutilation-oriented defense techniques against date rapists.
    • The Brothers: Three kids rap about Jesus. “What are these kids doing now? … Drugs?”
    • Doll Collecting for Fun and Profit: A guy explains collecting Barbies.
      • “Joe, what does your WIFE think of your Barbie collection?”
    • It’s a Steal: Made by Circle Square which is some (Canadian) christian cult? “Every kid looks worse than the last.”
    • Lights, Camera, Bubbles: “But then the bubble burst.”
    • Power Ageing: Mike laughs himself silly when an old woman explains her numerous medical problems.
      • “Now I just do coke and speed.”
      • “Then we move on to Fraulein Sausageball, a.k.a. Hitler’s ex-girlfriend.”
      • “My life means nothing. Thank you.“

Best of the Worst three movie format

  • 10/10
    • Cybernator:
      • “Oh my God… This is how it turned out?! This is not like Blade Runner at all!”
      • “They didn’t seem laser-y at first, but then they got laser-y later in the same scene.”
    • Panther Squad:
      • “What’s the opposite of climax?”
      • “Well, spiritually, it’s Italian. Shot in Belgium. Directed by a French guy. Written by a mongoloid…”
    • Project Metalbeast: “The trip to Budapest was all about experimentation.”
  • 9/10
    • Pocket Ninjas: Edited by a wood-chipper.
      • “This whole movie is someone’s dream that died. The dream of being a film maker.”
      • “I have so much hate…”
    • Cyclone: With Heather Thomas who I was sure was in A View to a Kill. She was not.
    • Dangerous Men: It’s like it was made by aliens who haven’t quite figured humans out, like something out of the Rick and Morty episode M. Night Shaym-Aliens! It would have been less jarring if the biker held a giant bullet that fired revolvers instead of what actually happens in this movie.
  • 7/10
    • Scary or Die: Clowns are kind of scary, admittedly.
    • Chopping Mall: Neat robot-monster/college-humor cross-over.
    • Exorcist II – The Heretic: Might not have gone over too well today using a 16-year old as an erotic temptress. Also, lots of octagons for some reason.
  • 9/10
    • Shock Em Dead: Script writer who doesn’t know punctuation, also Traci Lords.
    • Hollow Gate: Cuddled to death by two golden retrievers.
    • The Satan Killer: “Cop, with yellow shirt. With blood stain. Wife dead in past. Satan Killer, sees woman in bikini. Yanks from tub.” Not the shadiest movie involving one of the Sayre brothers.
  • 9/10
    • Future War: Silly sci-fi familiar from MST3K.
    • The Jar: ? “Whyy… is my tub full of soup?”  ?
    • White Fire: Not the most conventional family drama…
  • 6/10
    • Supergirl: “This movie has done for feminism what ‘Birth of a Nation‘ did for equal rights.”
    • Captain America (1990)
    • Roger Corman’s Fantastic Four
  • 7/10
    • The Instructor: “There are so many ball-hits in this movie. This movie should have been called Twisted Pair!”
    • Through Doohan’s Eye: “Maybe she dug up her own corpse?”
    • Twisted Pair: I have a hard time putting up with Neil Breen movies. It’s like if Michael Bay got blacklisted and had to make soulless indie movies. Also in this scenario Michael Bay has suffered a brain injury that undermines his ability to reason about human interactions.
  • 10/10
    • LA Wars: Cliché but agreeable movie about crime gangs going to war with one another.
    • Unmasking the Idol: The first Duncan Jax spy movie. Features a baboon sidekick.
    • Robowoman: The RLM-crew aren’t entirely positive…
      • “This should be criminal.”
      • “It feels like I’m watching 9/11-footage. It’s absolutely horrific… It’s got a strange fascination to it all the same.”
      • “I can’t do this… I can’t do this.”
      • “Robowoman is despicable trash.”
  • 10/10
    • Spookies: Horror movie that was edited to pieces and becomes very silly.
    • Action USA: Flat action movie that makes little sense. “I like you. You’re my security-hair. “
    • Alien Private Eye: With Lemro! “He’s either an alien or a Trekkie, and I don’t like either of those things!”
  • 7/10
    • Hologram Man: Sort of like Demolition Man but way dumber and on a smaller budget.
    • Faust: So… Yeah…
    • Blood Street: “Who is this? What’s happening? … What was that?”
  • 8/10
    • A*P*E: South Korean Kaiju movie. “Were you expecting anything better?”
    • Easy Kill: It’s not easy to be Frank Stallone.
    • Honorable Men:
      • “The most ironically titled film we’ve ever done.”
      • “All those girls are in college. They’re all consenting adults. It feels like they’re in high school based on the scenes. Particularly the scene when they’re at the high school…”
      • “He would have to buy her a gift from a toy store…”
      • “How much more of this bullshit is there?”
      • “He looks like he’s about to get caught by Chris Hansen.”
  • 6/10
    • Lady Terminator: An Indonesian or Phillipino Terminator rip-off.
    • Lost in Dinosaur World: Promotional for awful park with animatronic dinosaurs.
    • Low Blow: “He’s like the main character from Miami Connection after 30 years of crippling depression.” It has a wonderful scene where Leo Fong dismantles the bad guys’ car with a giant circular saw while they sit in it and it’s clear that the scene plays out over several hours of real time.
  • 8/10
    • Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park: I was convinced that Anthony Zerbe was in the James Bond movie License to Kill, and he was! Finally I got this right. Failed on Tiger Yang in Mission Killfast and Heather Thomas in Cyclone but now I got it right! Oh, the movie is terrible in a darling way.
    • Killer Workout: A David Prior movie with maybe a few too many gratuitous all-female workout scenes. So much spandex… “That would have been smarter. But I didn’t do that. I David Prior’d it…”
    • Mystics in Bali: Indonesian horror movie. Makes Blood Debts seem like a Scorsese flick. Rich has a great theory of how all three movies share a theme.
  • 8/10
    • Parole Violators: A confused movie. Nice how the hero gets his ass kicked over and over since he’s so unlikeable.
    • Future Force: Ah, a David Carradine movie… We all know how this is going to pan out.
    • Geteven: Wonderful black tank-top movie.
  • 6/10
    • Carnivore: US government uses an abandoned building frequently visited by youngsters as a lab for testing a biological weapon. Or something.
    • HauntedWeen: College boner-comedy retrofitted to be a horror movie. Doesn’t work. The RLM-crew’s discussion features a wonderful time-travel storyline wherein Rich is hurled back in time to write all these terrible movies. When they discuss a movie-idea in the present it makes the movie magically appear on one of their shelves because it causes Rich to make the movie in the past.
    • Black Roses: Rock band turns people into monsters.
  • 10/10
    • Jack-O: Patton Oswalt’s revenge.
    • Rock n’ Roll Nightmare: Cool Jon-Mikl Thor movie.
    • Shark Exorcist: The first Donald Farmer movie on RLM. Truly amazing.
      • “It’s a long 70 minutes when you are deeply uncomfortable.”
      • “Don’t. Watch. Shark. Exorcist.”
      • “We watched somebody’s fetish film.”
      • “Having this on our show is even despicable.”
      • “It was like the disgusting filth at the bottom of a sewer.”
  • 6/10
    • Hawk Jones: Kids play all the rolls in a cops-and-robbers movie.
    • Winterbeast: Feels a lot like Manos: the Hands of Fate. That’s not a good thing.
      • “Getting through this has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do.”
      • “You get out of Massachewsus! Here in Massajujish we put the camera down, and it stays there god damn it! “
      • “Microphone? MICROPHONE?! “
    • ROAR: Someone made a movie where he and his family bumble around among dozens of real animals, including lions, tigers and leopard. 70 people were injured in the production.
      • “Oh my god!”
      • “Aaaaahhh!”
      • “Was that blood?!”
  • 7/10
    • High Voltage: “And it looks like some kind of amateur who really loved John Woo and wanted to imitate that, and kinda did… You know, half-decent job of it… You know, he did all right. It’s fine. They certainly jumped and shot guns at the same time, I can’t fault them for not doing that.”
    • Death Spa: “I wouldn’t call it a horror movie. Because horror movies have to be frightening and scary.”
    • Space Mutiny: Of MST3K fame.
  • 3/10
    • The Item: “95% of this movie made me angry.”
    • The Crawlers (aka Troll 3): “It’s up to our small band of boring, worthless characters to stop this from happening.”
    • Blood Lock: …
  • 8/10 (New Releases)
    • Megalightning
    • (fighting movie)
    • Birdemic 3

Specials

  • Best of the Worst: Christmas 2021 – 7/10
    • Feeders 2 – Slay Bells: Feeders sequel…
    • Fay’s 12 Days of Christmas: Dogs wearing clothes. Weird.
    • SAFE: Features a wonderful story about using forklifts in a secret operation on D-Day.
    • Santa with Muscles: Hulk Hogan… So many ad hominem attacks. So many laughs. “What do you call kids who don’t have parents? Oh, orphans!”
  • Halloween Spooktacular 2021 – 9/10
    • Primal Rage: Boring zombie stuff.
    • Dorm of the Dead:
      • “A Donald Farmer film… Why… Do I know that?”
      • “Why the fuck do we have another film directed by that psychopath?!”
      • “Oh my God, no!”
      • “Oh, noooo!”
    • Don’t Panic: “My eyes are down here.”
  • A Very Scary Christmas – 7/10
    “Your antics have become predictable.”
    • Santa Claws: “This is slowly becoming a show where we watch pornography.”
    • Iced: “And then everybody dies!”
    • Silent Night, Deadly Night – part 2: “Garbage day!”
  • Halloween 2022 – 6/10
    • Demons at the Door: Music by Insane Clown Posse. And that’s a bad portent.
    • Evil Toons: David Carradine appears with a noose. And I’ve already used the word portent for this episode. Dang it!
    • Night Killer: Fragasso/Mattei movie. Arguably worse than the previous two movies somehow.
  • Blindfold Picks! – 6/10
    • The Incredible Melting Man: Also featured on MST3K.
      • “They had some very impressive-looking locations, which is scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel for compliments to give this movie.”
      • “The houses in the movie are far more disgusting that the melting man. And those people!“
      • “Someone who worked on the Bozo show did their makeup.”
    • Starship: “I have a headache now.”
    • Lady Avenger: By David DeCoteau of Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper “fame”.
  • Bad Movie Scavenger Hunt: 7/10
    • Computer Beach Party: Not just insufferable for silly computer stuff, but also because it’s a beach party movie. Possibly the only movie directed by a person in a coma.
    • Mission Killfast: Again I think an actor also appeared in a Bond movie. But Tiger Yang did not play Chang in Moonraker.
      • “That’s subplot nr 37A. That goes nowhere…”
      • “Did I just say photography actress in place of the word model ?”
      • “I was worried there was gonna be more scenes.”
  • Merry Kickmas – 8/10
    • Karate Cop: “What’s ironic is that David Carradine breathes life into that bar scene.”
    • The Christmas Light: At least it’s short.
    • Night of the Kickfighters:
      • “We looked it up and kickfighting is not a thing. It’s just a severe limitation of creativity.”
      • “Rich needs a T-shirt that says That’s staying in!”
  • Christmas or Cats – 6/10
    • Two Front Teeth: Very low budget Christmas-horror-spoof-nonsense.
    • Uninvited: Silly cat monster movie.
    • Christy – Santa’s First Female Reindeer: A socially awkward young woman cries a lot and talks to Santa Claus with such bad audio that it’s unclear what they’re saying. Then Santa tries to pet a bobcat which the bobcat is not into.
      • “No, I was laughing like a person in a strait-jacket would laugh.”
      • “These people look like they’re in a cult.”
      • “I feel like I went to the Stevie Wonder School of Cinematography tonight.”
  • Bad Movie Scavenger Hunt Too: 9/10
    • Silk 2: Monique Gabrielle makes a comeback after Deathstalker II. Wonderful.
    • Ultra Warrior: Clip movie from various Roger Corman productions.
    • Blood Freak: 1972. Florida. Low budget turkey-monster horror movie. Makes you feel like you’re coming down with the flu.

Spotlight

  • Ben and Arthur: 8/10
    “I’ve got my own methods and it’s been working 30% of the time.”
  • Blood Shack(aka The Chooper): 7/10
    From the maker of The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (which was featured on MST3K) and numerous pornos(which were not featured on MST3K).
  • Suburban Sasquatch: 10/10
    Oh, miss Sanchez the native American with an Italian father… Oh, the cops who keeps their guns drawn at all times because they have no holsters… What a film.
  • Petey Wheatstraw: 10/10
    Amazing movie and RLM shows a great retrospective of the producer’s earlier movies.
  • Twister’s Revenge: 8/10
    A terrible sci-fi made by Bill Rebane who also made the terrible sci-fi The Giant Spider Invasion of MST3K-fame. “There’s one guy who we thought was dressed as a werewolf-monster, but it turns out that was just his face…”
  • Wicked world: 7/10
    By the man who made Things.

Misc

Segments of special note from other episodes not mentioned above:

  • Robot in the family
  • Terror in Beverly Hills