God I love Yahtzee’s game reviews. Especially for choice games like Ride to Hell Retribution 1%, Alien: Colonial Marines and Amy.
- I got shit to doooo! Ride to Hell Retribution
- The entire QA team simultaneously resigned to start a shotgun-tasting business. Ride to Hell Retribution
- Because: fuck you! Ride to Hell Retribution
- If a game is bad it’s usually because not enough people cared; not because development was forming a murder-suicide. Best and worst of 2012
- In one of its many dalliances with total fucking pointlessness. Soul Calibur IV
- A few seconds earlier would have been expedient deary! Siren Blood Curse
- It’s all right, you can swear on the internet. Your mum probably isn’t going to read it. I know because she’s too busy being fucked by me. Mailbag Showdown
- The play time is shorter than a documentary about French war heroes. Tomb Raider: Underworld
- A lesson who could well have been learnt by those people who lived next door to Auschwitz and thought all that smoke came from an unusally screamy pie-factory. Lego Indiana Jones
- Random documents and audio logs! Song
- Knifing people with sideburns. That’s ‘Knifing people who have got sideburns’ rather, the alternative would be absurd. E3 2012
- More shaky-cam footage than a Paul Greensgrass film being projected onto a fat jogger’s tits. FFXIII
- Badger watcher with anger-management issues. Sniper Elite V2
- I remember it being in God of War III, Shattered Dimensions, The Force Unleashed Two, Wet, Wolverine… That’s the game Wet and the game Wolverine, not a game about a wet wolverine, no such thing exists. Dead Space 2
Other carefully crafted burns from Youtube-celebs:
- Vinny didn’t entirely enjoy No Man’s Sky. It’s creator got that slightly wrong but Vinny was kind enough to clarify, which made it into his 2019 retrospective.
- It’s good to know that Civvie11 wants to be one of my people. Otherwise his Quake 4 review was kind of… Quake 4.
- Rifftrax comment on seeing Lycan colony: I saw Manos the Hands of Fate and thought, how could it get any worse? Then I saw Birdemic and thought, how could it get any worse? Then I saw Feeders and thought, how could it get any worse? Then I saw Suburban Sasquatch and thought, how could it get any worse? Then I saw Lycan Colony and thought, oh. That’s how.
- Arin has plans for Sonic ’06: Well then… I’ll better pack my suitcase… ’cause we’re going straight to hell!
- Somewhere , if you reach deep into Mike Matei, you will find a smidgeon of humanity! But for now we can only see the Beast! Sonic ’06 part 25
- What can we say that’s PC here? … Because I don’t think ‘Retard-child’ will go over well. Sonic ’06 part 26
- These two girls they make quite a pair. They both come from your worst nightmare. They will haunt your soul forever, and now every time you see pink you’re gonna think: we’re doomed. They are agents of Satan… MST3K 0421 – Monster A Go-Go
- Uh-oh, I think we’ have’re looking at a Pinky Promise Protocol here fellas… I uncovered a billion dollar fraud
- Trees! The Horrible World of Kinect Games – Caddicarus
Notes:
“Beautiful ladies who want to meet me don’t need an appointment.”
Scrooge McDuck – E049 – Raiders of the Lost Harp – 12:45
Like Wet, Wolverine… That’s the game Wet and the game Wolverine, not a game about a Wet Wolverine, no such thing exists.
For Brain Rose. Coffezilla
“Let’s say good-bye to the bullshit van! ‘Good-bye bullshit van!’ [ He waves theatrically to a spot in the middle distance ] Now, it’s gone! Now I won’t bullshit you and you don’t get to bullshit me.”
Sean Anderson – Differently Morphous – Chapter seventeen – 01:28